My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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