If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
