I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
