so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
