Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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