Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
