it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
