....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
