sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Someone came in the potted fern
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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