so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
