What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
