I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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