I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
