I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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