im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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