did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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