16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
