i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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