btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
