there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
