some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
