It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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