im gay
i know
yea but for you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
