Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We are all done wearing pants today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
