I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
