U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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