We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
