SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
