i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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