It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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