Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
