it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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