Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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