I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
