I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
