It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
