ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
