"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
