He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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