i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
