is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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