I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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