It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
