Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
