Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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