i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
