Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
