Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
