At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
