So drunk its hurt
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
