her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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